Official Nicknames and Camp Assignments

Hello Muskie Hunters!

Our trip to the pristine waters of Lac Seul is now within sight! Less than 5 short months to go!

As you're aware, we've made some changes to our camp assignments for MH5. With that said, some of our nicknames don't quite match up with our official camp duties. Never fear, they still fit. Listed below are your official camp nicknames with explanations....

Bardo - Full of merriment and song, ye ole' Bardo has been known to strike up a tune at a moment's notice whether on the water or in camp. Bardo has also been known to tell some tall tales of his fishing prowess, sighting numerous "near misses" and botched netting opportunities. John Cooling is Bardo.

Smut Peddler - A very dirty, nasty man with porn constantly on his mind and poontang on his breath, the Peddler is always moments away from delivering an extremely graphic and sometimes disturbing display of spine tingling naughtiness. Jeff Harlow is the Smut Peddler.

Poco Pez - Small fish catcher, nothing more. Jim Kay is Poco Pez.

Big Fish - Renowned throughout North America for his fishing prowess, Big Fish has dominated the Big Fish Grand Championship. Other anglers despise him and fish fear him. Also known as Babe, Big Fish is guaranteed to "go large" yet again. Thor Petersen is Big Fish.

Dudley Do-Right - Perhaps a more fitting name would be Doobie Done-Right, Dudley is known for his strict discipline around camp and his odd sleeping habits. A friend to Native Americans, Dudley will insure a good time in Sioux Lookout. Bring your wampum. Steve Burke is Dudley Do-Right.

Badger - Known for digging earthen holes and ferreting out small game, the Badger is one of our most valued and dangerous Muskie Hunters. His explosive fire starting skills have been rumored to start the early migration of loons to the Southern Hemisphere. Badger has a keen eye for finances and has been known to viciously attack any slow payers. Bob Bradley is Badger.

Lac Vegas - Who came up with this shitty nickname? Lac Vegas is known for his horrendous games of chance and littering Canadian waters with discarded electronic devices. He is also a drunkard and a long distance "master caster". Nesting eagles are now horrified of German Lures. Achtung baby! Jeff Taylor is Lac Vegas.

Cooter - Crazed like a northern pike catching, back-woods auto mechanic, Cooter is famous for beer foam vomiting and chronic masturbation. Fish are no longer intimidated by the hook setting abilities of the slimmed down Cooter. Underwater microphones have recorded multiple muskellunge whispering the phrase "Jimmy Houston, my ass!". Greg Federico is Cooter.

Yogi - Smelling like the ass of long-term hibernating bears, Yogi has been known to wear the same set of clothes for an entire fishing trip. Thank God he falls in the lake about 4 times a day. Yogi has also popularized the phrase of "shitting like a bear" due to his frequent trips to barren islands to relieve himself and wipe his waste hole with a slime covered fish towel. Mitchell Winfree is Yogi.

Flounder - Unable to stand upright in a boat for over 60 seconds, Flounder is certain to break multiple rods during his inaugural trip. Flounder is also predicted to impale himself and his boat partners with treble hooks, needle-nose pliers, and filet knives. During trips to "Mutilation Point" to deposit fish guts, Flounder is expected to be either eaten alive or to capsize his Lund. It is recommended that Muskie Hunters accompanying Flounder to Lac Seul wear ear plugs to protect their hearing from the piercing, lady-like screams emitted from Flounder when he enters the fish house and encounters a tree fox (RIP Rusty) or when he feels a hole-snake brush against his butt cheek while taking a dump in the shit house. Having the appearance of a flopping fish gasping desperately for air, Tim Shauf is Flounder.

And now your official duties. As the Bard says, "No fucking around, Josh". Take your responsibilities seriously as they are extremely important to a well run camp.....

Master of Provisions and Camp Liaison - Cooter. Responsible for crafting the grocery list and insuring that we don't leave the U.S. without a complete supply of food. Coordination of stops in the U.S. and Canada (I'm thinking we have to buy potatoes in Canada). Cooter is also the official camp liaison, communicating all in-camp requests to Gary (if he's still alive) and the Anderson's staff.

Firewater Chieftain - Yogi. Responsible for crafting the beer and liquor list and insuring that we remain drunk for 96 consecutive hours. Coordination of stops in the U.S. (beer) and Canada (liquor).

Camp Cooks - You have an impossible act to follow. Better bring it!

Dinner Saturday – Federico

Dinner Sunday – Taylor

Dinner Monday – Cooling

Dinner Tuesday – Harlow

Breakfast Sunday – Kay

Breakfast Monday – Winfree

Breakfast Tuesday – Burke

Sous Chefs - Assigned by boat pairings. If you are paired with the dinner cook for the day, you are sous chef.

Assistant breakfast cooks - Assigned by Dudley Do-Right.

Camp Bard and Official Photographer - Bardo. Creator and leader of nasty songs, poems, and limericks. Anything that involves fish and pussy is preferred. Also responsible for catching significant MH5 memories on film (or memory card).

Camp Librarian - Smut Peddler. I guess the next logical step is some sort of virtual reality device complete with goggles, one of those gloves with the wires coming out of it, and a rubber orifice. If that doesn't work, we can always put lipstick and a wig on Flounder. Nothing but absolute raunchiness will be accepted from the Smut Peddler, and he will deliver!

Big Fish Commissioner - Poco Pez. Poco is responsible for creating and executing the Big Fish Contest. The B.F.C. (Big Fish Commissioner) will create an elaborate chart to record our daily fishing conquests. He will also clearly post any and all rules prior to the start of the big fish contest. All decisions made by the B.F.C. are final. The Big Fish Contest is an extremely serious event, and the angler crowned as Big Fish Grand Champion should be revered.

Camp Commandant - Dudley Do-Right. Dudley is responsible for assigning camp duties including daily KP (kitchen patrol), gas replenishment coordinator, assistant breakfast cook, and camp clean-up. Dudley will create a chart listing all assignments and has authority to dole out punishment where necessary. Punishments may include tree fox tickling, out-house inversion, or the dreaded muskie-swim where you are tossed into the lake wearing nothing but a chrome spoon tied to your penis head and a buck-tail glued to your balls and forced to swim across Chamberlain narrows. Chomp, chomp!

C.F.O. and C.F.T. (chief fire technician) - Badger. The Badger is responsible for tallying all camp related costs, including food, gas, rental car expense, Big Fish Contest fees and associated costs related to activities created by the Director of Gaming (see below). The Badger is also responsible for the ceremonial lighting of the nightly bonfire. Take cover!

Director of Gaming and Master D.J. - Lac Vegas. The DOG (Director of Gaming) is responsible for orchestrating any and all gaming activities not related to fishing. Cards, dice, horse shoes, beer chugging, etc. fall completely under the authority of Lac Vegas. No electronic gaming will be permitted! In addition to his primary duties, Lac Vegas will serve as the Master D.J. for the evening music experience. He will create a "Muskie Mix" that will span the decades for your listening pleasure. All music requests should be forwarded to Lac Vegas. Although Lac Vegas has completely and utterly failed on his previous attempts as the DOG, he has to get it right at some point.

Assistant to Poco Pez and Chief Fish Cleaning Engineer - Big Fish. Big Fish will be second in command for all Big Fish Contest related activities and will be prepared to step in if Poco should be drowned or struck in the temple by his boat partner's paddle. He will also be responsible for developing daily boat assignments; creating appropriate boat partners to insure an enjoyable and productive fishing experience. Big Fish is also responsible for all fish cleaning activities, spending hours of quality time with the Fish Waste Engineer and his trusty filet knife.

Fish Waste Engineer and Tree Fox Control - Flounder - Assigned the most hazardous job in camp, Flounder will be responsible for the daily transport of fish guts to the designated dumping spot. As noted above, this area is also known as Mutilation Point (or the Bone Yard, Kodiak Island, etc.). When Flounder is not making the dangerous journey across Hurricane Strait to deposit guts, he will be kept busy by ensuring that there are no tree foxes taking residence in the fish house. Although somewhat friendly in appearance, tree foxes have the tendency to scare the living shit out of Big Fish when they make unexpected visits to the fish house during fish cleaning activities. For this reason, Flounder will be on constant watch for signs of a nearby tree fox (like the common tic, tic, tic call that they make just prior to an attack). The best way to keep tree foxes out of the fish house is to actually be present in the fish house (preferably with a fresh, cold drink available at all times for the Chief Fish Cleaning Engineer).

IMPORTANT NEW CAMP REGULATION - EACH BOAT WILL BE REQUIRED TO BRING IN 3 SUPPER FISH DAILY. SUPPER FISH MUST BE DELIVERED BACK TO CAMP BETWEEN 3:30 AND 4:00 PM SO THEY CAN BE CLEANED BY BIG FISH AND BE AVAILABLE FOR DINNER. THIS WILL ALLOW THE CAMP COOKS TO START DINNER AT AN EARLIER TIME AND ALLOW FOR INCREASED NIGHTLY GAMING OPPORTUNITIES. PLEASE DO NOT BRING SUPPER FISH IN EARLY (AND STORE THEM UNCLEANED IN THE FREEZER, REFRIGERATOR, OR FISH HOUSE). THIS MAKES THEM DIFFICULT TO CLEAN AND TENDS TO ATTRACT BEARS. A COORDINATED MEETING TIME WILL ALSO ALLOW FOR THE POSSIBILITY OF MULTIPLE BOAT PARTNERS DURING THE DAY. STAY TUNED FOR ADDITIONAL DETAILS.

Please start your preparations now! You can never be too ready for a fishing trip. See you at Knobby's!

Best regards,

Big Fish Babe Petersen